Today I was supposed to pack to go to my dad's house... but I didn't. I was alone. My sister had left for the movies, and my mom was at work. Alone to my own devices.
For a while, I've been fantasizing about some terrible event which would make leaving my house neccessary -- an apocalypse, the death of a parent, a fire, a devastating earthquake, a mad man hunting me down... I think about what I would pack, what I would need... what I would leave behind. I begin planning my movements around my room, timing them, deciding what needed to be left behind to save my life.
Today, I acted on that fantasy. Man Man wailing in the background, I set about packing as quickly and carefully as I could. How many pairs of socks would I need? Which books would I bring? Would I take my boots, or running shoes? My breath was actually quickened, as if the threat were real.
Halfway through packing, I paused, realizing how much I truly wanted to run away -- from everything -- and never come back.
I wasn't trying to be overly dramatic. I don't have it hard, or anything. I have a roof over me, food... I'm not lacking anything. Except perhaps adventure. That's where the running away comes in. I want to meet new people, run away to some place exotic or unknown -- where I could use a different name and have a different life. Maybe I would come back. Just to see the chages. But I would surely leave again, just as soon as I came.
I was so tempted to actually do it -- to run. The adventure and the strangeness of it so enticing... but something stopped me. What would that do to my friends? Would my parents recover?
Too much of a gamble for me.
1 comment:
Oh I love you. I've fantasized about terrible things happening to me and my family ever since I was little. Strangely enough, it puts me to sleep at night, but the worrying never stops...
I'll tell you again. Once Larkin comes back, we'll just take some shit with us and go somewhere. Our economy is going to shit and getting a job will be hell once we get out of college, that is, if we can even afford college by then, and I too, just want to run away. I feel like my day repeats over and over again. The month repeats. The year repeats. And you know how much I can't stand repetition.
Let's go somewhere out of this damned country. Larkin's plans are seeming ever the more appetizing to me. I'm staying one step behind her in what she feels and does. She began hating school a while ago and not caring, and I'm there. Now I just want to leave this dull monotonous place.
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